It makes me sick, to think that while I was falling to pieces here in California, downing wine sitting on my bed; knives lined up in front of me, they were galavanting around Dallas totally infatuated with each other. It wasn't even infatuation. Lust. That's all it was.

While I was sitting in Florida, hardly able to get out of bed, she was moving into OUR apartment and attending gallery events with him.

Obviously today has been a really rough day. Lots of dust and memories stired up in the moving process. More pictures online over the weekend. Psychotic IM's and the thought of him talking to our friends in Florida about her.

God, I hate that I still love him. I hate that our lives overlap so much.

I'm feeling like I should have gone to Dallas to chase my demons before this move. I'm restless. I'm remembering his smell, and the sound of his voice yesterday was like music. The ease at which we carried on conversation, as if nothing had happened, was amazing and totally horrible, all at the same time. I felt the loss all over again, and felt hatred towards her that rivals that of only a few people on this earth. It probably even goes beyond the level of my hatred for his former wife.

UGH. I need a hug and a very strong drink.